desserts: the bane of my existence

I think I could live without a lot of different foods. I like meat, and couldn't go without it completely, but I'm fine with less of it. I can control my portion sizes with meals (not easily, this has been an adjustment, but doable), but what I can't resist, what I crave more than anything, is sugar. I love treats. Especially chocolate treats. And I love to bake. The combo is what has made me gain weight since we got out here.
This last week we both did really well, then Friday night came around and I got home late and we were both starving, so we said we would do a cheat meal (we are trying to just have one meal a week where we can eat really unhealthy food, just try and eat a little less of it, and not worry about it). So we got pizza and ice cream that night. It was so heavy, we both could only eat two pieces (don't be too impressed, we had cheesy bread too) and one helping of ice cream. But then Saturday we have leftover pizza and ice cream in the fridge, just taunting us. So we each have 1.5 pieces of pizza for lunch and something healthy to go with it. Then we caved again and had some ice cream that night. And Sunday night, we were both having a craving and I made peanut butter bars. I made a half batch so there wouldn't be as much, but we ate almost half the pan ourselves. I gave the rest away the next day so we wouldn't be tempted. But today, my neighbor paid me back and brought us a bunch of chocolate chip cookies. I just ate five. Within the last 10 minutes.
So this is a little bit in response to Linz before. First of all, don't beat yourself up about it. It is okay to have a little bit of cake or a lot of cake. It will get easier over time to eat some and not go crazy. Tanner and I are finding that we can't completely restrict ourselves, so we are eating normal things, but trying to find lower calorie options and watch how much. I know you are doing Body for Life, but if you want a copy of the spreadsheet we are using to count calories, you are welcome to. I have found it helps me, even though I am not perfect, to see how much I am consuming and helps me scale back. If I eat 3 healthy snacks that day, it helps me really see what a difference it makes compared to have one treat that equals the same amount. I tell myself I can have that treat, I will just have to have less of something else through the day.
I don't know if this is helpful to you, but it is just more realistic for me. I am never going to be able to give up good food, I just love food too much. I am just trying to get back to enjoying it in a healthier way. I loved this web page I found, it also reminds you that 0.5-2 lb weight loss per week is great for sustainable weight loss. It lets you put in your goal weight, your activity level, height, etc and if you leave the goal date blank it will calculate a reasonable date to reach your weight loss goal. It told me mine is 4 months away if I eat the recommended amount of calories. In the past I would have thought this sounded too long, but since I am not restricting myself so much, it doesn't feel so bad. And I'm not as stressed about the scale. With the Fuhrman and other diets I've done, I find myself disappointed if I didn't lose at least 4 or 5 pounds a week. And the times I have lost that much, I gain it back in the next few months.
Linz, it is okay to get frustrated, I feel it too, but I'm telling you right now, just let it go. You are doing great. This one mistake is not going to define you or your self worth, you are still working toward your goal and doing great! You are a great mom, an amazing sister and friend. You are too hard on yourself. Just accept that you want to do better and forget about the cake. Who cares??? Keep going, the rest of the day is going to be great, I know you can do it. This isn't about perfection, we are real people, we don't have trainers, we are living regular lives. We aren't quitting this easily! Okay, I'm going to get off my soap box now, here's to another week!!!

i HATE cake!!

What I really mean is that I love it so much, I hate it. I made a cake for my sister on Monday. Well it was meant to be a three tier cake but the top tier was too unstable so it's been in our fridge for a few days. I've resisted it...up until now. Noelle wanted some and I caved. The problem was that I didn't just cave a little, I caved a lot. I want to cry. Whenever I start out restricting a lot of the foods I ate before, I do this. I'm craving it so much that I give in to that craving and I feel all is lost. The problem was that before I had no restrictions whatsoever, which you can guess has added to all my weight gain. This is one of the things that I'm hoping to get on top of. I cannot live this way the rest of my life. I need to have restrictions or else I feel like I'm going downhill, spiraling out of control. AHHHHHH! With most diets I've started I never last past the first couple of weeks because of this addiction/problem that I have. It usually happens under stress or feeling down. I would like to say that I'm motivated to just keep going forward but I'm not. I'm frustrated and discouraged and it's only like week two in my seemingly never ending journey. I'm going to move forward whether I want to or not. So I think I'll just cry a little and start my day again. Even though start #1 was only a couple hours ago. Maybe this is why this time is different. Before I would have given up and wrecked my day completely but today I'm not going to.

p.s. Please tell me others have the same problem I do at times.

Up a Cup

Yes, that's right. I'm up a cup. I remember being horrified when I went from a size A to a size B. Alas, now I'm a size C. Bleh! I've never been prego! This is a sure sign that I'm gaining weight. My bras look humongous now. You could wear them as a helmet on your head, it would cover it completely! Hahaha. For this reason, and many other more pressing and important reasons, I want to lose weight. I've been trying to keep away from treats and desserts. I've been doing well for a the most part, though I did have a piece of cake on Taylor's birthday party. But I'm proud because I've been able to stay away from desserts for almost 2 months. I can start eating them again in January. We'll see how that goes. All I know, my chant for the next couple months will be: Thirty-six B! Thirty-six B! Thirty-six B! Thirty-six B! Cheer with me!!!! :)

Here I Go Again

This is Lindsey. I'm kind of excited to post on this blog. I know at least 3 or 4 other people are reading it and I feel more accountable. I feel like this is my bazillionth time trying to lose weight. I start out thinking I am motivated and then it ends rather soon. I justify breaking the diet because of stress or convenience. But I'm so sick of feeling the way I do as far as my body goes that I just am ready for this time to be different. I'm feeling pretty positive about my life right now and things are going well. I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin. And that is my ultimate goal here, is to feel comfortable in the body I have and right now I don't. I'm so far from that and thinking about that feeling makes me want to cry. But that is not why I'm here. I started Body for Life two weeks ago. Week 1 went okay and I lost some weight. Week 2 didn't go so well for certain reasons. I won't give you my excuses. But I'm just going to eliminate that week and start week 2 over, starting today (yesterday was my sister's birthday and I made her a cake-there's one of my excuses.) The Body for Life book is really motivating so I'm reading that and hoping it will help. In the book a man is describing how he feels about his body "I opened my eyes and realized that my body had become something I didn't feel was me." That's EXACTLY how I feel. If you take away my body I feel pretty good about myself and what I've accomplished. But my body is here and I can't take it away. It's just in a state that doesn't portray how I feel deep down. I'm grateful for my body I just need to take better care of it and make it a priority.

I'm not going to share with you my ultimate weight loss goal until I've actually accomplished it. And I don't know if I ever will share my start out weight with anyone except my husband. Right now I'm going to just set smaller goals that I'm going to work toward. I think that will help me keep motivated. Cause lets be honest, if I look only toward my ultimate goal I might quit because it seems so far away. So I'm going to have my ultimate goal along with my little goals in the back of my mind. Actually they should be in the front of my mind. So here's my first goal. To lose approx. 19.3% of my body weight by January 1st. There I said it. It's out there for all to see. Well at least those 3-4 people that will be reading this. I kind of feel a mixture between positiveness, nervousness, and doubt. I know I can do it but because I never have finished a weight loss goal in the past I'm kind of doubting myself. But I've put it all on the line and am now in this "Biggest Fullmer Loser" thing and I haven't done this before so that's a positive change right? Anyway, here I go again.

So it begins..

So, Tanner and I have started today on our weight loss goal. We have weighed ourselves this morning and written it down on our calendar. We are going to have Sunday weigh ins, but only the other person will see. Tanner is following a 1500-1600 calorie/day restriction. I am counting calories as well, but since I am still nursing, I have more. I am increasing my daily exercise goal to 5 times per week, with at least 3 of those being 30 minutes of moderate-intense workouts.
My goal is to lose 15% of my body weight. I haven't written down an exact date to have this done by because I always try to do it in 1 or 2 months and then give up or when I get close, I celebrate by eating myself into oblivion. We are trying to make long term changes that are sustainable. We are eating healthier breakfasts and lunches, but regular dinners, just cutting down on portion sizes. I have also been making sure to have a vegetable (preferably green) with dinner.
I only fit into one pair of jeans right now, and they are a few sizes above my previous size. I am going to make a goal to try and fit back into at least one other pair of my jeans, not my skinny (not literal skinny jeans, but my pair from when I was skinny) jeans, just some that I used to be able to wear by December 15th. I am feeling motivated and excited to check in and see my progress. I will upload a picture later, I don't have time now, but it must be in a bikini. Just kidding, I've never worn a bikini in my life and never will.
This isn't easy, but I want to be healthy! For Eric, for my family, and for myself. I physically feel like crap after I eat horribly, and emotionally I don't feel good about myself either. I keep thinking it will be better after the holidays. But there is always something coming up to cheat on. Holidays, but then there's Eric's birthday, then mine, then summer bbqs, etc, where do I draw the line? I am still going to eat things I like with the holidays, just going to eat less and in moderation.We don't have to finish a half gallon of ice cream the same night we buy it! Tanner and I have this attitude, if we've already eaten like crap, why not blow it today and start tomorrow? I need to stop this thinking. I want to feel more in control of myself and just feel better. So far today is going great. I keep getting the urge to snack, but instead drink a big glass of water and do something else like cleaning or read. I'm trying to stay away from the tv because that is where a lot of my eating urges happen. It's only day one, but I'm feel motivated and excited. We can do it!!!